THE THERMODYNAMICS OF HELL
The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington
chemistry mid term. The answer by one student
was "so profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues,
via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and
heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time.
So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into
Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we
can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it
will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at
the different religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there are more than one of these religions and
since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect
the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle's law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
Morrison, during my freshman year, "...that it will be
a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take
into account the fact that I still have not succeeded
in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and
will not freeze.
The student received the only "A" given.
The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington
chemistry mid term. The answer by one student
was "so profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues,
via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the
pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and
heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time.
So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into
Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we
can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it
will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at
the different religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there are more than one of these religions and
since people do not belong to more than one religion,
we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect
the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle's law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls
are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
Morrison, during my freshman year, "...that it will be
a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take
into account the fact that I still have not succeeded
in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and
will not freeze.
The student received the only "A" given.
