Alaskan woman opened the door to 2 park rangers who have been looking for her missing husband
Oh have you found him? she asked
Well we have some bad news, some good news and some very good news, they say
Well whats the bad news, she said
We found your husband in the bay drowned
What could be the good news then? she asked
When we pulled him out he had a dozen Alaskan King Crabs hanging on. They are worth a lot of money at the moment and you are entitled to a share.
Wow she said, then what is the very good news?
Visitor to Iowa farm sees one-legged pig, asks farmer what happened.
"It's a real story, yup, yup. Ernie is the smartest hog in the world, helped the little 'uns with homework. House caught fire one night. Ernie broke out of the pen. broke into the house, sounded the fire alarm and hauled the baby outside. Hero, yup."
"So the pig lost his leg in the fire?"
"Oh no, that happened later. Hog like that you don't eat all at once."
For some time, my wife's had this ridiculous idea that I'm playing too much golf. Actually, it came to a head at about 11.30 last night. She suddenly shouted at me: "Golf, golf, golf. All you ever think about is bloody golf!". And I'll be honest, it frightened the life out of me. I mean, you don't expect to meet somebody on the 14th green at that time of night.