At Last It Is Explained!

[brett mccluskey]

ever spent the night drinking and thought"How on earth did i get home?" As hard as you try you cannot piece together the return journey from the pub to your house.The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer scooter.the Beer scooter is a mythical form of transport,owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine.Bacchus has aquired a large batch of these magical devices.the beer scooter works in the following fashion:The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" gives off a pheromone.Bacchus or one of his many sub contractors detects this pherpmone and sends down a winged Beer scooter.The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans Dimentional Portal.This is not cheap to run so a large portion of the passengers in-pocket cash is taken as payment.This answers the second question after a night out."How did i spend so much money?".Unfortunately,Beer scooters have a poor safety recordAnd are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Undentified Drinking Injuries). An unidentified feature of the Beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip.The nature of Trans Dimentional Portals dictates that time will be lost,seemingly unaccounted for.That answers the third question after a night out,"what the hell happened?".With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT(Removal of Embarrassing Moments in Time) add on,that automatically removes,in descending order,those parts in time regretted most.Ufortunately one persons REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often is regained in discussions over a period of time.Independent studies have shown that Beer Goggles can cause the scooters navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom,often with horrific consequences.With recent models including a GPS,Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive through chainspecialising in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts......Another question answered!! For the family man,Beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other peoples garden and Thump-A-Lot-Boots(Patent Pending)These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs,you are sure to wake your other half.Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS(Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System)explains the bruised shins. the final add on Bacchus thought fit to invest in for some scooters is theTAS(Tobacco Absorption System)This explains how one person can apparently get through 260 Marlboro Lights in a single night!

 

[peas_and_corn]

This one seems to be making the rounds again, I was sent this via email the other day.

 

[brett mccluskey]

This one seems to be making the rounds again, I was sent this via email the other day.

Party pooper I got it 8 years ago